Journal Entry

I usually don’t do this, but I didn’t know how else to put into words what happened at The Awakening this weekend. So… here is a raw, unfiltered entry from my journal:

Today I rededicated my life to following Jesus.

Getting baptized in the bed of a truck is not something I anticipated this morning. When my neighbor asked me yesterday if I’ve ever been baptized, I was honestly a little annoyed. “Who cares if you’ve made that public declaration if you’re not actively following Jesus,” I thought. Now I know I was more so annoyed with myself.

I actually had been baptized almost three years ago, but I wasn’t living a faith-filled life where I thought sharing the love of Jesus with others was worth my comfort or my reputation. I was living crippled by fear, even on that 11-month mission trip around the world.

I’m done.

I’m not surprised that God whispered to my heart to get baptized again right before the speaker announced they would be doing that exact thing during lunch. My spirit was excited. Ready.

“But you’ve already done this before… and failed,” the enemy taunts.

This time is different. I didn’t know what being a follower vs. a fan of Jesus looked like. I hadn’t really experienced hardship and had to choose Jesus over sin. To believe that He is good no matter what I’m feeling. Yeah, when I first got saved, but that seems like an easy choice looking back. This was way harder. But so much more sweeter.

We all serve something – so standing in front of my friends and new peers proclaiming that Jesus is the God I serve was so freeing.

Eyes closed. Heart beating. Heavy breathing.

Knowing what I know now made it more real. Following Jesus now is more real than it’s ever been. I can’t even describe the excitement I felt.

“Do you believe that Jesus is alive?” they asked.

“… I do.”

It’s like our wedding day. My vow to You. I will choose to believe that You are good even when everything feels bad. That, just like the sun shined so brightly when my eyes were closed that I could still see and feel its warmth while I was submerged in ice cold water, so will your light and love be so clearly evident in my life from this day forward.